LOL

"Lol"

You know it. I know it. It's been around since the internet was a toddler. Presumably, it was invented to save people time, people that were too busy canvassing 13 year olds on chatrooms to indicate that they found something funny without writing "that was funny" or even "ha ha ha".
But, it's usage seems to have evolved, or devolved, to the point that it makes 90% of people that use it seem properly retarded.

Take these examples of facebook status updates and comments:

"Can anyone give me a lift tonight? lol"

"…Is back at work today lol"

I sure as fuck wouldn't let somebody get in to my car that's just laughed maniacally after requesting a lift. Why are you laughing? Do you want a lift or are you going to kill me?

Laughing out loud suggests something hilarious just happened. How often do you actually find something funny enough that it makes you physically laugh? Not smile, or giggle, or even guffaw, but actually laugh! Come on! Think about what you've written, and then apply it to the situation that you're writing about and see if it makes sense!

Did you really turn up at the office and burst in to hysterical laughter at the mere fact that you were sitting at your desk? Why? What the hell is funny about being at work? Are you a dentist, did you leave the nitrous oxide on? Probably fucking not!

Maybe if there were an equivalent "lol" for crying. "Sp" or "sobbing pathetically" might be more appropriate.

"Dylan Parish just turned up to work on a Monday morning with 1000 emails that need replying to - sp."

"Martyn is watching the tennis naked with a dressing gown belt tied around his neck - sp"

Some people use "LOL" to flirt. Why? Try that in a club or a supermarket.
Walk up to a good looking girl at the bar and say "Hi" and then laugh for three minutes. Loud laughter, in her face. See where that gets you. If she's still interested then run, because she's probably more mental than you are.

If you're writing "lol" then you'd better actually be laughing or you're just a liar! LOL.

Massive

We live on a fraction of a small planet called the Earth. Earth, is a small and relatively insignificant planet in our Solar System. The sun, our star, is a relatively insignificant star in our galaxy. In our relatively insignificant galaxy alone, there are at least 200 Billion stars. In the observable universe, there are at least 100 billion galaxies.

Our galaxy seems to be average in size, so we can assume that there are probably at least 2,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 stars in our observable universe. I don't know what that number is, but it's a lot and it takes a long time to write.

We know that planets are very common, so we can assume that for all of the stars, there are likely to be a number of planets.
Even if we said, on average, that there is only one planet per star, that's a of a lot of planets.
If we said conservatively, that only 1% of those planets is capable of fostering life, that would be a fuck of a lot of planets.
If we said that only a miniscule percentage of those planets had evolved life, that's still an incomprehensibly large number of planets in the universe that have at some point evolved life to a comparable level as life on Earth. Billions. There are probably billions of other "intelligent"species in our universe, pondering their existence as you read this. Looking for ways to further themselves and expand their knowledge.

We are insignificant as far as the universe is concerned, like a mere fraction of a piece of dandruff in an enormous ocean.

Armed with this knowledge, with this scale of our insignificance, what do we concern ourselves with? What else could capture our imagination, provide a suitable outlet for our energy and intellect?
Lets have a look shall we? http://www.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/celebrities/3241227/Anna-Paquins-love-life-No-comment

Well that's sorted then.