Beyond 2000 - Bollocks!

You know what really annoys me? Growing up. Not in the sense that I wish I could still get away with urinating in my pants while on a bus, nor that I wish I could wear corduroyed dungarees without the nasty comments and sideways glances.
No. Both of those things would be great, but the real reason it annoys me is because the older I get, the less time there is for people to invent futuristic stuff.

If it was possible to sue television for shattering a child's dreams, I'd be rich. Tomorrow's World, Star Trek, Beyond 2000 all have a lot to answer for. From flying cars to virtual reality, we've been let down by television time and again.
I've outlined my biggest disappointments thus far in order of bitterness (least bitter to most bitter).

1) Flying Cars

Assumed Future: Sure, there would still be traffic jams. But instead of the boring linear traffic jams of 2009, they'd be three dimensional. "Sorry I'm late love, but I'm in a queue thirty cars deep". The future always assumed cars that could hover, perhaps needlessly, but whatever they were pretty much promised to us! There are a lot of potential downsides to the flying car model, drive thrus for one thing wouldn't work very well. And soliciting a prostitute would be even more dangerous given the height difference. But, you could zoom over landscapes without spilling your coffee so there are definite tangible benefits.
Even a floating skateboard, circa 1989 in Back to The Future would do, but no.

Cold, depressing reality: Segways. The revolutionary transporter that makes it's rider look like a twat and encourages bullying. And you can't even get away from the bullies fast enough as their top speed is roughly equivalent to a 70 year old grandmother with arthritis.

2) Domesticated robot maid/friend

Assumed Future: No longer would I require the company of human friends with their petty needs, judgements and feelings. I'd have Roderick, my shiny, clanky friend that ironed shirts for me, prepared gourmet dinners and laughed mechanically at my jokes. Roderick would be my pal, he'd pointlessly wear a red baseball cap and his protruding ears would flash when he was excited.
Instead of working myself, I'd get Roderick to produce top class documents utilising his ability to tap in to the internet to draw down gigabytes of knowledge and distill it in seconds.
But with Roderick, you'd always be slightly uneasy that he might rebel against your whims and set about on a rampage of great destruction.
"Roderick, fetch me a futuristic meal in capsule form".
"STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO DYLAN!!!! RRAAAAAAAAAA".
So I'd always be kind of polite and say please and thank you a lot just on the off chance that he might develop consciousness and seek to destroy his human master.

Cold, depressing reality: http://www.amazon.com/iRobot-Roomba-Intelligent-Floorvac-Robotic/dp/B00008439Y


3) Teleportation

Assumed Future: Come on, everyone has seen at least three or four different programmes that include teleportation, be it Star Trek or Beyond 2000. Late for work? No problem, it'll only take me 0.05 seconds to get there (once I've shaved and dressed anyway). Holiday on Mars? Sure, 0.05 seconds to arrive at my Martian summer retreat. Need the bathroom? No worries, 0.05 seconds from sofa to toilet, accident free living. Wife's birthday and you've forgotten a present? No you haven't, 0.05 seconds and you've got a beautiful bunch of flowers and tickets to a show.

Cold, depressing reality: Scientists have effectively teleported a single atom a matter of metres. This is impressive, I know I couldn't hope to do this myself, but it's someway off an instant journey to New York for lunch. Apparently, in the next couple of decades we'll be able to teleport viruses. Hooray!


The list goes on. I'm not belittling science, I realise that some of these things are a little bit tricky. But I do blame television for creating and then shattering the legitimate hopes and dreams of people that have watched these shows that promised so much. In 2009 we should be holidaying in Mars with our robot buddies.

What are your biggest let downs? Let me know, I'll collate them and write a scathing letter to television once I have enough.